Nightmares

A few days ago someone called me out of the blue and began to lambaste me about something that happened 9 years ago between my husband and myself right after we had met and were getting to know each other, getting used to each other’s ways and getting used to compromising in our marriage. I reminded this person that #1, it was 9 years ago and #2, and most importantly, it isn’t any of his business, to which he demanded it was his business because he is close to my husband. Well, I’ve got news for you, I don’t care who you are, it is not any of your business. What goes on between me and my husband in our marriage is not your business and never will be.  I didn’t listen too much of his ranting and just politely told him I was going to hang up and promptly did.

However, this upset me and has been on my mind since then. It has put a damper on the fact that I have been trying to be upbeat and positive for my husband who has been at school and going through a very stressful time right now. I didn’t mention it to him. He didn’t need to hear about this right now. But it bothered me because 9 years ago this same person called me up the night before I took the Real Estate Exam and cursed me out over the same thing and got me so upset I flunked the test. It was a big deal back then and has brought it all back to me again. It is very upsetting. It infuriates me to think someone else thinks my business is their business and would call me up and curse me out. Let me let you in on a secret buddy “there are two sides to every story!” and people do and say things when they are getting to know each other that are irrelevant later on in life.

Nightmares. When I get upset, I tend to have terrible nightmares. Not just ordinary nightmares, but nightmares with demons and death and hiding and running away from demons and vicious rape and such. So this has been going on for two nights now. I can’t get any good sleep because of these terrible nightmares. I don’t know why my mind does this to me but it always does when something like this is bothering me. Something that I can’t do anything about. Something that someone is doing to me that I have no control over. Well, you might say, you have control over it. Just don’t let it bother you. Well, during the day I rationalize and say he has no business in my business and I don’t take his calls, but I guess it effects my subconscious because once I go to sleep, the nightmares come. It’s very, very frustrating. I always end up just waking myself up very early (3-4am) in the morning, when I just can’t stand any more dreaming. I can wake myself up after a while of it.

Nightmares have always been a part of my depression. The nightmares actually started when I was a little girl about the age of 5 or 6. I can remember 2 specific dreams I used to dream over and over all the time that I could tell you right now every detail of. And all my life I’ve had nightmares. That is why I take the Resperidone. I used to take 4 mg a night (enough to knock out a horse). Then I found I was too sedated throughout the day to handle it so I backed it back to 3 mg. Then we lost our jobs and the med is very expensive so I backed it back to 2 mg. I think I need to bring it back up to 3 mg again. I can’t handle these nightmares. I think today when I order my weekly amount of meds I’ll go for 3 mg. Resperidone is an anti-psychotic. Isn’t it pitiful that I have to take an anti-psychotic to get rid of the effects of a person’s ignorance and rudeness and its effect on my tender psyche?  Well, I’ll do what I have to do…the nightmares are just that bad.

People should think about how they affect others before they go and speak their minds and be rude and ugly and smartass to someone. You never know how it’s going to affect that other person. You don’t know what that person has gone through and what it will cause them to go through again. It’s not the right thing to do. There’s a lesson here. Mind your own business. Think before you speak. Don’t think so highly of yourself. You aren’t the head of anything but your own life.

Depression takes many forms. Over-eating. Under-eating. Anger. Extreme sadness. Irritability. Reckless behaviors. Suicide. So the next time you think about opening your mouth and saying something hurtful to someone else, why don’t you think about how you would feel if the tables were turned and someone got into your business and you were on the receiving end? I’d bet you wouldn’t like it very much. You never know when you are going to be talking to someone who is battling something like depression or something worse that you could be exacerbating. Do you really want to be responsible for the consequences of something like that going bad? So just don’t. Don’t say anything. Keep your thoughts to yourself unless you have something nice to say. And leave it at that. We depressants would thank you for that. Think about it and have A nice Cup of Jo today. Be HappyJ