I often times think being depressed and having anxiety is like being cursed. There often seems like nothing that you do makes anything better. Then you go to your doctor or doctor’s many, many times and try numerous mixtures of different meds and if you’re lucky, you find the right combination that works for you. Well, after 20 years of this and several shrinks, the last one + 1.5 yr with him, we found a great combination of meds that have stabilized me for the moment. At least I don’t have any low, lows at the present. Even with my husband gone for a month on the road, in the first week of it, I seem to be upbeat and positive about life, optimistic that all is well with the world. But then, I am unable to work and don’t have that stress on me either and I realize that would put stress on me if I was working.
Not working keeps me from having to be around people that could cause me stress. I don’t have to pretend or try not to react to situations because I’m not around the situations. I’m not out in the general population where things occur that cause me to become depressed and feel hopeless and helpless. I’m home surrounded by my family who loves me and treats me with loving-kindness and respect and always uplifts me. I’m lucky and blessed in that regard. I’m protected and I realize that.
I understand that most people are still struggling to get there medications in the right doses and right meds themselves ordered. It can be a long and drawn out process. I know, I’ve been there and it’s an agonizing process. There are a lot of anxious days and nights and moments when you have to work and don’t feel like it and you have to go out to grocery shop and don’t feel like leaving the house, etc. Just hang in there and don’t stop seeing your doctor and try to get to see a psychiatrist because they are the ones who can get you to the major meds that really work.
I can also respect those of you who try this journey without using meds at all. I have a daughter who has depression and fibromyalgia and has had fibro since the age of 9 and she has only this year at the age of 28 started taken lortab in small doses and only when the pain is extremely bad. The rest of the time she just suffers it out on a heating pad. She has migraines too and just uses Excedrin. She just doesn’t want to get ‘hooked’ on anything and doesn’t want the long-term effects that the meds might have on her. She has been like this all of her life. The doctors ordered an anti-depressant at the age of about 12 and she refused to take it after reading up on it and never has. She has all the symptoms of depression, the outburst of anger and oversleeping, and the sadness that she masks well. But she is adamant against taken meds, whereas, I am just the opposite.
I realize there are many holistic methods of dealing with depression and pain and I say ‘cudos’ to those of you who have the strength to deal with them in that way. There is yoga, meditation, herbs, treating the symptoms separately, dealing with the pain by heating pads, ice packs, exercise, etc. I can appreciate each person’s decision on how to deal with your illness and conditions and I don’t think anyone should judge the other for the way they choose to treat themselves. We each have our physical and emotional thresholds of pain. Personally, I have a very low threshold of pain. I hurt extremely badly over everything. I guess. The way my daughter explains her pain and the way I see her suffer makes me think her pain is worse than mine yet I can’t stand my pain without taking my pain meds and she suffers through it with just a heating pad. And I see her symptoms of depression, yet she doesn’t take anything for it and I take mega meds to control mine. And I have to say, my depression is under control and I’m very happy about it. I remember when it wasn’t and it wasn’t a pretty picture. Periodically I have a major depressive episode to deal with, about 2-3 times a year, but most of the time now, on my current meds, I am stable for the most part.
Don’t get me wrong. I have my days when I just sit in my room and be sad. I don’t feel like seeing anyone or going anywhere. I don’t care about anything. I do care about my family but no one else. I still have my blue days, my blah days, but not the deep depressive days of yesterday. Thanks to my meds. Now…if I run out of my meds and neglect to get them and go without them for a few days, like a week, even one of them and the balance of them gets askew, I begin to feel the old depression come back in and it feels really bad in a hurry. I rush out to get my meds and get back on them. So it is a balancing act that I have to stay on top of. I take my meds at the same time every day, in the morning right after I get up and then right before I go to bed at night. If I do that, I feel well.
I still don’t want to be around a lot of people. I still don’t volunteer for activities where I’d be dealing with crowds or strangers. I am a loner. But as long as I keep my life in the same routine, I don’t have the drops into deep depression like I used to. And I’ll do anything to keep that from happening. I now know what to do and I do it. I know how to avoid situations that stir up my anxiety and I avoid those. You might say I avoid life but it’s not necessarily that way. It’s just that I know what to avoid to keep myself on the stable and narrow tract and having taken a long time to learn those things, I do them so I remain stable. Anyone would, right?
So no matter if you take meds or if you go holistic, do it with all your might. Find your own way and may you be blessed in your endeavors to find peace and happiness. Know that you are not alone and that there are millions of people of here going through the same things that you are going through who would love to hear your story. It very well could be the story that encourages them. So comment with your story. Let us hear from you. We care about you and want to be there for you. We each have to find our own way and you never know that what you are doing could help someone else along their way. Let us hear from you. In the mean time, have A great Cup of Jo today! Be HappyJ
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